


Wayne Manor: Chaotic Realm

by Sliver_Tail



Series: Manor Mayhem [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: A small amount of angst slipped past me, ALL THE FLUFF, Background Tim Drake/Stephanie Brown - Freeform, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Gen, I wrote this when I should've been sleeping, Implied Sexual Content, Jason Todd Being a Little Shit, Mentioned Alfred Pennyworth, Mentioned Bruce Wayne, Mild Language, No btea we die lkie mne, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:06:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23924341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sliver_Tail/pseuds/Sliver_Tail
Summary: The Bat siblings have breakfast without Alfred supervision.It goes as well as one could expect.
Series: Manor Mayhem [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1774978
Comments: 2
Kudos: 89





	Wayne Manor: Chaotic Realm

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing most of these characters, hope I did them justice!

Dick was sitting at the kitchen table enjoying his second serving of hash browns and blueberry jam on toast when Damian slid into the seat next to him. Tim across the table stared at the lack of Damian’s usual greeting. There was not even a hint of a scowl. Damian looked up from pouring himself some almond milk, and shot a dark look over at Tim. Dick was too busy stuffing his face to notice. 

‘Oh, I guess he’s just slower than usual today. I was getting worried.’ Tim thought sarcastically to himself. He offered Damian a blank face, save for a raised eyebrow. The image was complete when he sipped his coffee. By the developing scowl on Damian’s face, Tim could see he succeeded in delivering his point of nonchalance. 

‘Now, if I could just maintain that image when he comes at me with a sword later, when Dick is not here to witness it.’ He inwardly winced. The wince manifested outwardly when Damian stabbed his vegan bacon with his fork, staring at Tim. Today was not going to pass over well. 

‘I still don’t see how I was supposed to just know to feed Batcow.’ He complained mentally. 

“Morning, Drake.” Damian started out, “I see that you have just enough competence to feed yourself. It is rather egregious of you not to extend that to others.” Tim didn’t bother to hide his exasperation, rolling his eyes skyward. He will never hear something relatively nice from this kid. 

Dick paused in his efforts to inhale all of the food set out on the table. His blue eyes looked questioningly at Tim, who only shrugged in response. Dick frowned before turning to the youngest sibling next to him, propping an elbow on the marble counter, he leaned slightly into Damian’s space. Tim could only brace himself for this showdown and frankly, he’d rather be anywhere but here to witness it. 

“Hey, Dami. It’s always ‘good morning’, not just morning. It makes it sound like you don’t want Timmy here.”  
Tim held back waves of exasperation, because of course that is what Dick Grayson would focus on. Damian snorted. 

“How astute of you to derive my true intentions, Grayson.” Damian bit into his bacon casually as if he hadn’t committed a sin in front of the eldest child. “Now that the matter has been aired out, you may leave, Drake.” 

Tim took a sip from his coffee, carefree. ‘Wow, demon-spawn, you surprise me. Saying such heresy in front of the mother-hen of the house.’ 

Dick adopted a stern countenance as he stared down the smaller male. “Damian.” He said shortly and Tim could see regret flash across the younger boy’s eyes, “Tim is not going anywhere. He is your brother, he’s staying here.” Damian scowled severely down at his plate, before directing the look over towards Dick. 

“If he wants my respect, he should earn it. He failed to do so when he neglected to feed Batcow.”  
Dick’s widened eyes and mouth slightly parting showed to Tim that Dick had no idea about that. 

“I didn’t neglect anything. I can’t neglect something when no one told me what needed to be done.” Tim responded, slightly guilty that Batcow went without food, but being firm against whatever argument Damian put against him was a policy he was not going to break. 

Dick looked like he was praying to Diana’s Gods and Goddesses for an escape when he could see the anger on Damian’s face transform into an unadulterated form of insane rage. He loved Dami, he did, but sometimes he wanted to bundle him up in Batman's cape and leave him hanging in the cave. Maybe, just maybe, let Jason and Steph know about the Dami Pinata downstairs while he was at it. Maybe let Timmy take some blackmail photos. He wouldn’t do it of course, but it’s cathartic to think about. The kid needs positive feedback and even the normal sibling bullying could be a bit much. 

“Regardless, Dami,” Dick interrupted before the volcano that was Damian could erupt, “you should always ask someone if you want them to do a favor for you. Tim, don’t- how many cups have you had already?” His train of questioning going off track at the sight of three more mugs that seemingly magicked themselves into existence next to Tim. 

Tim rolled his eyes, ‘Everyone is so slow today.’ He thought to himself before gesturing to the cups, “Count, Sir Detective mathlete.” Sarcasm thick in his voice.

“4.” Dick replied, “also, rude.” He didn’t actually sound offended however. “Timmy, how many over the limit did you drink?”

Well shit. 

Alfred had somehow managed to talk to Dick about the New Agreement sometime in the past 4 hours. Dick wasn’t even awake until the past 40 minutes. When did they manage to find the time to gossip about him? 

“Needing someone to manage you and your addiction to caffeine is not surprising for someone of your stature, Drake.” Damian spoke up. 

“Huh, I missed the part where someone asked, Gremlin.” A sleep roughened voice spoke up, “Also, speak louder for the vertically unchallenged. Basically just me in this room.” 

The collective audience shared exasperated annoyance at the barb, Tim rolling his eyes and muttering into his black coffee, Dick openly staring at Jason, while Damian scoffed, his knife hitting the plate loudly as he cut his food. 

“Wow, you went, what? 20 minutes today without insulting someone? A new record, Little wing.” Dick commented. 

“At this rate, we’ll be waiting a month for him to reach an hour.” Tim added. 

“Don’t give the imbecile that much credit, Drake.” Damian huffed, “He’ll never manage it.” 

“Fuck all of you.” Jason replied without heat, picking up slices of French toast and dropping them messily unto his plate. He reached over Damian’s plate, obnoxiously putting his elbow dangerously close to the food to reach a pitcher of Lemonade. In retaliation, Damian pushed Jason’s plate of food across the table, next to Tim’s collection of mugs. 

“Wow, I’m glad Dickie is teaching you all the passive aggressive techniques on being annoying.” Jason exclaimed, falsely content, “All the sword waving shit was getting old and predictable.”  
Tim snorted, face still closely attached to his cup. “Oh, he still uses it.” 

“Shame on you, Dickie.” Jason said dryly. Dick sighed loudly, taking away the knife Damian was about to stab into Jason when the other slipped and splashed some lemonade onto his food. 

“Whoops.” Jason said, not sounding the least bit apologetic, “My bad.” 

He walked around the table, pushing the mugs away and sat next to Tim, who blinked at him blearily. It quickly turned into disgust when Jason started dipping the toast into the pitcher of lemonade. The disgust was shared by Damian and Dick. 

“Jay, what the actual fuck.” 

“Shut up, Dildo. I saw you eating cereal with water several times.” 

“Okay, that’s gross, but it’s not as bad as whatever disease you are eating.” Tim said shortly, watching in fascinated disgust as Jason devoured the sopping wet toast. 

“Perhaps only dimwitted trash can find such a thing appetizing.” Damian commented, a sneer on his face as he arranged his food into two piles to avoid the lemonade spill. “The three of you have questionable taste in food.” 

“Yeah, sure.” Jason spoke up, still chewing. “You’re a damn food connoisseur with your rubber bacon and fake milk.” 

Dick gagged at the horrific display of the munched up food in Jason’s mouth. The younger man could be so disgusting sometimes. 

“JAY!” He scolded. 

“Please refrain from talking with food in your mouth.” Tim said, wincing. “I agree with the sentiment however.” 

“Tim!” Sometimes Dick hated being an older sibling. 

“Besides, keep talking like that, lil’ shit, and see if I make you any more Haleem.” Jason continued, taking another bite right before talking in a silent but obvious fuck you to Dick and Tim. A severe scowl overtook Damian’s face at the threat as he stared down at the table while aggressively chewing. 

“Guys, seriously.” Dick groaned, “Why can’t we eat a single meal in peace?” 

“Grayson, take a serious look at those two and imagine them as more intelligent.” Damian spoke, “It’ll be difficult to do so and for good reason.” 

“Oof, he just massacred you guys. I’m impressed he did it without the whole waving a sword around thing. Which by the way, I’m disappointed about, Dami.” Steph walked in with a baggy sweater and purple pants far too long for her, blonde hair a mess. A red spot very visible on her neck. 

Noticing, Jason immediately started sending Tim suggestive looks leaving Tim looking like he wanted to disappear into the floor but not before breaking Jason’s arm. Dick sent a warning look at the teal eyed man. Jason smirked, but left Tim alone afterwards, busying himself with dipping his French Toast into his lemonade. 

‘Goddammit Bruce, stop hogging Alfred every time you go on a trip.’ Dick thought despairingly. 

It has only happened twice so far, but both times it seems like Jason woke up making it his mission to disturb his table-mates. Jason loved the liberty of creating food concoctions that should never be tried whenever Alfred wasn’t nearby to scold him with his classic disapproving look. Dick doubted that it tasted good, Jason only enjoyed the disgusted looks he got from eating it. 

“Fatgirl, I see you’ve extended father’s invitation to stay past its original intentions.” Damian eyed the bruise, “Far past his intentions.” He turned to look at Tim who started to glue his eyes to the screen of his phone in an attempt to stop existing on the same plane of existence as the rest of them. Another thing Alfred would have prevented; Tim knows he’s not supposed to bring Bat related things upstairs. 

“Huh?” She blinked. “Hey, he said I could stay overnight. Breakfast is kind of implied. Maybe if you invited someone yourself, you’d realize that.” 

“Harlot, breakfast is not wha-” Damian started, but got cut off by Dick shouting, “Steph! Come sit next to me!” He almost eagerly pulled the seat out from under the table, waving her over. The fact that it meant that the bruise would be facing away from them didn’t escape his younger brothers’ notice. 

Steph sending a scowl to Damian from the insult walked over to the seat, but not without using the opportunity of being behind him to ruffle his hair into an indistinguishable mess. An enraged squawk left the preteen’s mouth, one hand attempting to salvage the previous hairstyle and the other swinging behind him to hit her. Steph grinned as she dodged the wild swing and moved speedily to her seat. Damian actually proceeded to move his legs to the side of the stool to get up only to be swamped under Dick’s arms as he guided Damian to sit facing the table once more. 

“Grayson,” Damian hissed lowly, “release me, that harlot shouldn’t be allowed to stay another minute here!”  
“Nope!” Dick sang back, forcing Damian into a cuddle, “we’re going to eat peacefully, with no more insults. Right everyone?” He asked the group.  
“Yeah, how about no.”  
“That sounds too hopeful.”  
“Aw, Dick. Much cute, much sad.”  
“Steph, that meme sucks. No points.”  
“Cut me some slack, zombie boy, I just woke up.”  
“No excuses, blondy.” Jason retorted, “But 1 point for the name, even if it’s been long due.” 

These guys were all assholes, Dick decided as he resigned himself to the upcoming battlefield the kitchen would soon become. Until then, he would occupy himself with eating the rest of his food, letting Damian escape his grasp as he calmed down enough to go back to finishing his plate off. 

Steph smiled at Jason, serving herself some strawberry waffles with maple syrup and whip cream.  
“It’s been great here so far! That bed was soft enough to nearly drown me, good stuff I tell ya. Sad that Cass isn’t here, and I’m stuck in a manor full of emotionally constipated men, but oh well.” She started conversationally. “And now all the waffles I want.” She blocked Tim’s hand that had been reaching over to the tray of the desserts, dragging it closer to her plate that already had some waffles on it. 

He stared at her, “Seriously?” he asked.  
“Yep. Mine.”  
“All I had so far was coffee.” He complained.  
She snorted, “And that’s my problem because…?”  
“She’s got a point, ya know?” Jason piped up, finally finishing all the french toast and now gulping down the lemonade straight from the pitcher. 

“Jason, no one invited you to this conversation.” 

“I know, just like how I wasn’t invited to the family portrait session.” He brought the empty pitcher down. Immediately an awkward silence engulfed the room, the words shocking everyone else into a state of speechlessness. 

“Damn,” Jason started, “That would be a good comeback for B. Relax, I actually don’t give a shit about it.” A pause, “But don’t tell B that, won’t work otherwise.”  
“Jay-” Dick started, voice strained. He wasn’t even sure what he could say about it. 

“Tch,” Damian interrupted. “Your attempts at inciting guilt from us is pathetic, Todd, especially because you are not at all aware of what you speak of.” 

“I’m sure I would know if I got invited or not, pipsqueak.” Jason rolled his eyes. Typical Damian behavior: hiss like a wet cat at any hint of disapproval towards Bruce. 

“Perhaps so, Pennyworth attempted calling you, however the call failed to get through.” Damian agreed. “It must have escaped your regard that the portrait is not missing your doltish visage.”

“Can you stop speaking through a damn thesaurus.” Jason replied sharply. 

“Damian added you to the portrait, Jay.” Tim spoke up softly, placing his phone back down. “Spent hours painting you.” 

That tidbit of info had Jason stunned, eyes huge and glancing at Tim before staring at Damian.  
Damian’s face reddened at the sudden attention he had on him. 

“Aw, you’re a big softy on the inside, aren’t you.” Steph cooed out, sticking her head past Dick’s body to see the boy, causing the flush to extend down the young boy’s neck. 

“Stop blabbering nonsense, fatgirl.” Damian snarled viciously, only for Dick to ruin the image by pulling him into a tight hug.  
Dick let out a short coo, “I didn’t know you did such a nice thing, Dami. You need to show me!” 

“D-don’t be so eager, Dickie, probably made my head into a dick, or worse gave me an ass chin.” Jason shot back, words stilted. Damian bristled, mouth opening to retort when Jason picked up a pineapple slice and hit him dead on at the space between his eyes. A wet smack and then a small bang as the fruit bounced off his head and landed onto the table, echoed in the room. Steph burst into hysterical laughter, choking on her food. 

“Little Wing!” Dick backed up from hugging Damian, unwilling to try to hold back the rage that would soon be the only emotion the boy would contain. 

“Do you understand the gravity of your actions?” Tim despaired, placing his hands on his face. 

“Shit, sorry!” Jason called out. “That was completely not what I wan-”  
“Cretin! This is how you repay me?!” Damian picked up a half eaten slice of his bacon and threw it across the table, hitting Jason’s cheek with a loud smack. 

“EW!” Jason jumped up, “It even feels like rubber! What the fuck, demonspawn!” 

At that point, Steph was a lost cause, desperately pounding at the table with a fist and holding her ribs, tears in her eyes. Dick was starting to get a bit concerned for her, but it disappeared after Jason picked up the whole bowl of fruit, swinging it sideways, unleashing a storm of bullets of blueberries, pineapples, mangoes, and strawberries. Almost like a bomb filled with shrapnel, the pieces of fruit nailed Damian, Dick and Steph all over their faces and chests. Steph and Dick shrieked, whilst Damian enraged started reaching at the table for more ammo. Face wet with fruit juices, a particular blue splatter in his eyebrow, Damian aimed at Jason with his cup of almond milk. 

“Why, why. No, Jason. Please, oh god no. Not another one.” Tim got up and immediately headed to the exit. Jason yelped as he attempted to dodge, receiving a splash of milk on his shirt regardless, but still avoiding the glass. It shattered behind him. 

“This is war, Zombie Boy!” Steph shouted loud enough to wake the rogues locked up in Arkham Asylum. 

“Bring it, Hickey Girl!” Jason yelled back, dodging an entire literal whole ass pineapple. “Tell Tim-Tim to be more discreet!” 

“What the fuck!?” Steph dodged a piece of toast. “It’s not a hickey, you perv! I was testing a new foundation!” 

“Foundations don’t come in that shade! At least come up with a decent lie!”  
“It’s red because I’m allergic to it, braindead moron!” 

Just as Tim was about to succeed in his escape attempt he nearly collided into Duke, barely managing to swerve away. 

“No breakfast for me then, huh?” Duke said, observing the degenerating situation where Jason had stupidly challenged three people to team up on him. And unsurprisingly was getting his ass handed to him. 

“Nope. Now please move.” Duke moved only for Cass to magically appear then. Tim nearly allowed himself to groan out loud in frustration. When did she even get here? “Cass, please.” 

She pointed at Jason, “Brother alone.” She said simply. “No.” 

“Feel free to fight with him, but I’m n-” Tim started before something soft hit him in the head harshly. He brought his hand up to his hair, fingers coming away with whip cream. Damn, he washed his hair yesterday and really wanted to avoid washing it again today so soon. 

“Dick! Not my waffles!” Steph shrieked in horror.  
“Sorry!” Dick shouted back. Steph picked up another waffle and slammed it into Dick’s unexpecting face. Whip cream splattering his nose and eyelids. “I will have my vengeance!” 

Tim resigned to the fact that he’ll need to wash his hair regardless, looked at Cass, “Fine.” He ran to the table and picked up the can of whip cream and a spoon, ducking behind the table to get his makeshift weapon ready. He got back up from his cover and flicked whip cream at Damian, hitting him right on the nose, earning an indecipherable screech in return. 

Jason cackled in glee, “Nice, Timbo!” Tim was on his side and a small part of him warmed up at that.

So when Tim quickly aimed at him, yelling, “Friendly fire!” He didn’t have enough time to react to dodge and got cream right in the ear for it. 

“Gah!” Having whip cream in one’s ear was not a pleasant sensation at all and this betrayal would not be taken lightly. That warm feeling was gone just as quickly as it came. 

Cass and Duke stood at the doorway just taking in the glorious battlefield as Dick and Steph’s food battle carried on the sidelines and Damian, Jason, and Tim had a battle, every man for themselves style. Jason was going to have to throw out his clothes and shave his head hair at this rate, drenched in food as he was.

“I’m gonna get something from the pantry,” Duke said, eyes never leaving the chaotic scene in front of him. “Want to come with?”  
Cass shook her head, “No.” She smiled up at him briefly. 

He shrugged, turning and walking away, “I don’t want Alfred to blame me at all for this.” Was all he offered before he turned at the corner of the hallway, getting out of Cassandra’s sight. Cass stared at the scene, a soft smile and serene eyes. 

‘Family, huh?’ Cass hadn’t spent much time in this home yet and the concept of family was still relatively new to her, but if this was it, she’ll gladly stay and fight for it. She entered the kitchen and proceeded to wipe the floor with her defeated sibling’s bodies with a happy grin on her face. 

And if Duke snuck back, taking plenty of blackmail pictures, well, that’s only for him to know.

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently, according to my google search, Haleem is a popular Pakistani dish? There's vegetarian options for it.
> 
> And yes, I imagine Damian being a vegetarian/vegan. 
> 
> Please Comment, Kudos and/or Bookmark!


End file.
